Alternatively, you can find her at http://nothingbutrandom.tumblr.com.
Alternatively, you can find her at http://nothingbutrandom.tumblr.com.
So one semester of university has came and gone. I have stressed myself out throughout these short four months. I have put in a lot more effort than I have ever -ever!- used to. I have began with a decent start. I should be proud of myself. I have grown, even if it was a little.
Also, God is calling me back home to the church. He always has been. This year, I will answer. Even if my progress is slow, I will answer.
It's mere days to the next semester, where all hell will break loose again. I hope I will be able to pull myself up and conquer the problems in my way.
I sincerely thank everyone who has had a part to play in my life. Thank you for being in mine, whether it was just for a little bit. I will hold nothing but thankfulness, and no more bitterness towards anyone.
I'm 21 this year and I have a lot of growing up to do.
That in mind, I have some things I need to change. Resolutions? Maybe not so much those but more of necessity. I will see these through to the end.
With that, happy belated new year.
Week 13 of the academic semester. It's scary.
Friday I went back to SP and saw the DTVM people. Just for that little bit of time, it felt like I was back. It felt like I was strangely home. I've missed that feeling. I still have the ridiculous habit of wanting to return to the past. Nowadays though, there's the running mantra in my head, that
'Change is the only constant'.
That's all I know these days.
I need to feel sad to do my essays. It's weird.
Okay that's all. Bye.
In many ways, univesity has been interesting, I suppose. Fairly.
I have to stop wishing for the past to come back. Even if it does, things have changed. People have changed. I have changed. It is beyond impossible,now, to fall back into the old dynamics even if I wished it.
I miss you. I also want to hate you. I can't.
How have you been doing? How's life treating you? Are you happy?
I hope you are.
I really hope you are.
Mycroft Holmes: All lives end. All hearts are broken. Caring is not an advantage, Sherlock.
"Sherlock: A Scandal in Belgravia (#2.1)" (2012)
Dear diary (dear you),
Today, I unfollowed someone on social platforms. It's not a big thing, but I had to work up a massive amount of courage to click the button.
Funny, how a long, dear friendship ends with a click. Poof, just like that.
Of course it's oversimplified. It's never so simple. Things never are. I can add that someone to the 'people I've loved and lost' section now.
It's the good times i recall that hurts the most. The words. The promises you ended up giving someone else. Did you know you were going to do this someday? I guess you did.That's why you were always so evasive. I also deleted the blog you egged me on to create, that you swore you would catch up with.
I didn't throw what I gave you into the sea. I wouldn't waste money over you. In an ironic twist, I gave it to a person I know you really care about. Not me. Never me.
I'm sorry that I (might have) chased you away due to my (supposed) clinging.
No point
trying to keep something going
when there was never time
for me
not even
five
minutes
five
minutes
that was all
in the end
i asked for
I will give you five minutes of my time. Only five more. And then no more.
Never any more.
I would have given you much more.
Week 2 of university life has begun. It's a lot different from what I'd expected, probably because I didn't really expect anything except dread, dread, and more dread. Sometimes it feels like it's more than I can handle, and it's only been a mere one and a half weeks. I find myself blanking out when posed questions on a certain text, or get muddled with all the documents pouring out at once that require printing. It is my honest admission that if I never went the poly route I will have crumbled into flaky pastry by now. (i.e. - did something rash like drop out in some impulsive moment due to stressing myself out too much.)
On the plus side, i have a lovely room mate, I have a couple of friends (outside the course) that are willing to catch up with me, my mother is such a darling pillar of support that I know I can go home to; I can understand the texts, I am still alive. That's all that matters in the grand scheme of things.
This is a challenge and I will rise above it. This all will pass.
In the end, if I really cannot make it, I will be able to confidently say to myself that I did my best. That's all that matters.
(Also hugs. I need my hugs like I breathe oxygen. It might sound silly, but I think it's the lack of hugs that is upsetting my sense of self balance.)
Damnit, you win.
contemplative